Monday, 26 January 2015

Old People's Sense of Time or

...lack thereof.

[EDITORIAL NOTE: As far as I know, the following has no basis in fact and may or may not be related to age (although I believe it is). It is no more than my observation of a personal quirk over – ahem, SOME period of time, the amount of which I cannot be certain.

For most of my life, when I used the word “recent” or “recently,” the target point in time was at least within hailing distance. I meant a few weeks at most or, depending on context, it might have been an entire year but unlikely to be more than that.

Nowadays there is no telling what I mean. A couple of weeks ago, in a telephone conversation with an old friend, I mentioned a restaurant where we'd had dinner on one of my “recent” trips to New York.

“Recent?” she said. “Ronni, that was in 2008.”

I did a quick calculation and came up with seven years. It didn't feel like that long ago or, at least, not what I think seven years should feel like.

Something similar happened just this Saturday. I ran across a reference to the animated film, Monsters, Inc., and was surprised to notice it was released in 2001. I know I saw it when it was first in theaters and if you had asked me when that was, I would have said, oh about 2008, maybe 2010.

I can give you dozens of such instances but the point is that some (unknown) while ago, my perception of time became more flexible than it had been in my past and maybe more than others experience.

Many years ago (I do know that it was decades ago because of a roll top desk I gave away to S in 1985 or '86), I taped to said desk a fortune cookie I'd received that resonated: “Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at once.”

I like playing with that idea and in my more whimsical moments I have always sort of, kinda, maybe believed it. Yes, I realize that such a belief involves some philosophical acrobatics on the question of free will, but just go with me on this, okay?

That fortune cookie slip of paper left my home with the desk, but the “wisdom” has remained with me and it now feels related to the new-ish plasticity of my sense of time.

I'm capable lately (whatever that word means to me these days), of being shocked at how long ago 1990, for example, was. It “feels” like that year was relatively “recently” but it is actually, now, a quarter of a century ago.

And when you put it that way, I feel something like Rip Van Winkle must have. How could that much time have gone by since a year that contained some events I remember quite vividly?

So far, this time slippage works only in the direction I have described – that I am surprised at how many years have passed, not how few. I have yet to say, “That was only last year? I thought it was ten years ago.”

In the greater scheme of things this doesn't matter. I keep a calendar, as I always have, so I do show up on time although I occasionally wonder at how much more time than I realized there has been between visits or phone calls, even emails, with friends. But it doesn't impede my life.

Having zero information on which to base my thinking, I suspect this fluidity of time is related to growing old. Who knows? Maybe it is harder for the brain to parse time after X number of years of living.

There are those who will say it's just another way to look at the phenomenon of time seeming to move faster as we age. I certainly experience that but these little events feel different to me, a little more cosmic – more in line with that fortune cookie I saved for years.

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Peter Tibbles: Why I'm Watching the Australian Open

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Sunday, 25 January 2015

ELDER MUSIC: The Impressions, Etc.

Tibbles1SM100x130This Sunday Elder Music column was launched in December of 2008. By May of the following year, one commenter, Peter Tibbles, had added so much knowledge and value to my poor attempts at musical presentations that I asked him to take over the column. He's been here each week ever since delighting us with his astonishing grasp of just about everything musical, his humor and sense of fun. You can read Peter's bio here and find links to all his columns here.

The Impressions were usually thought of as a trio but at times the number in the group has gone as high as five or more. The trio version consisted of Curtis Mayfield, Sam Gooden and Fred Cash.

The group started out when old friends Curtis and Jerry Butler formed a DooWop group called The Roosters with Sam and Richard Brooks and his brother Arthur. When they got a record deal they changed their name to Jerry Butler and the Impressions thus, to my mind, signaling that Jerry wasn't really in it for the long haul.

And so it proved although, to be fair, the name was the record company's idea.

While still with the group, Jerry sang lead on Your Precious Love, a song he wrote. As mentioned, it was released under the name JERRY BUTLER & THE IMPRESSIONS in 1958.

Jerry Butler & TheImpressions

Some have suggested that this was the first soul record. Not too far off the mark.

Jerry Butler & the Impressions - ♫ For Your Precious Love

When Jerry left to become a solo artist, Curtis toured with him as guitarist and songwriter. He (Curtis) was lured back to The Impressions where he took over the reins as lead singer. He was also the guitarist, main songwriter and arranger as well.

He had a distinctive high tenor voice that complemented the deeper voices of Sam and Fred. Here they are, just as THE IMPRESSIONS with I'm the One Who Loves You.


♫ Impressions - I'm the One Who Loves You

Okay, if you're even vaguely familiar with The Impressions, here's the song you've been waiting for.


Their best known, and their best song by far, and one of the classic songs of our era, People Get Ready. Curtis sang lead and played guitar with Fred and Sam contributing beautifully to the mix. Even this grumpy old non-believer is inspired by this song.

♫ Impressions - People Get Ready

One of JERRY BUTLER's early hits as a solo performer was He Will Break Your Heart.

Jerry Butler

Jerry wrote the song with Curtis and Calvin Carter, and Curtis sang harmony  The song has been covered a number of times but no version is a patch on the original.

♫ Jerry Butler - He Will Break Your Heart

I've Been Loving You Too Long was written by Otis Redding and Jerry Butler.

Jerry Butler

Otis had the first version and (unarguably) the best. Jerry recorded it as well and his version is nearly, almost, just about as good as Otis's and coming from me, that's a huge call.

♫ Jerry Butler - I've Been Loving You Too Long

The famed songwriting team of Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff along with Jerry Butler wrote the song, Hey, Western Union Man.

Jerry Butler

This is a song that's been covered by a number of people and is one of the standard songs in any aspiring soul band's repertoire. Jerry does it best though.

♫ Jerry Butler - Hey, Western Union Man

Just after leaving The Impressions, CURTIS MAYFIELD recorded the album “Superfly,” a soundtrack for the film of that name.

Curtis Mayfield

It was very successful and extremely influential. It also prompted Curtis to create several more soundtrack albums. None was as good or as influential as the first one. Here is Superfly from the album and film of the same name.

♫ Curtis Mayfield - Superfly

We're A Winner was one of a succession of singles Curtis Mayfield wrote for The Impressions.

Curtis Mayfield

Here he performs that song.

♫ Curtis Mayfield - We're A Winner

In 1990, Curtis was paralyzed from the neck down when stage lights fell on him at a concert where he was performing. From then on he was unable to play guitar but he could still write songs. He could sing too, with some difficulty, and even recorded an album.

He eventually had to have his leg amputated and died in 1999 of various complications brought on by the accident.

A couple more songs with the Curtis, Sam and Fred version of The Impressions. First is I Need Your Love.


♫ Impressions - I Need Your Love

Next, The Impressions with Love's A Comin'.


♫ Impressions - Love's A Comin'

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Saturday, 24 January 2015

INTERESTING STUFF – 24 January 2015


There was a strong response to our Wednesday feature about growing old alone that used an interview with actor Jack Nicholson as a jumping off point. It caused a lot of interesting comments.

Herm is a long-time reader of Time Goes By. Although we rarely hear from him, this time he spoke up and I want to be sure you all get to read what he wrote:

”I watch NBA basketball. Just last week as I watched the LA Lakers, there was Jack in his reserved seat watching the game. I thought, 'This guy never misses a game. Doesn't he have a someone that's more interesting than the lousy Lakers?' Now, I have my answer.

“Forty-five years married and still have romance with her. Let the music play and keep dancing.”


The travel website Expedia recently published a survey ranking the most annoying kinds of airline passengers. Jimmy Kimmel asked actor Patrick Stewart to portray the top five.

It always cracks me up to see Stewart chewing the scenery. To me, he will always be the very reserved Captain Picard.


As the world's elite meat at the annual World Economic Summit in Davos, Switzerland this past week, the British charity Oxfam released their latest research. Note that this is not U.S. wealth distribution; it is the world's:

”...the share of the world’s wealth owned by the best-off 1% has increased from 44% in 2009 to 48% in 2014, while the least well-off 80% currently own just 5.5%.

“Oxfam added that on current trends the richest 1% would own more than 50% of the world’s wealth by 2016.”

U.S. and now world. We've been hearing this for years but nothing changes. What happens when it hits 60 percent or 70 percent or more? I doubt it is anything good. Here is a chart of just the 80 richest individuals compared to the poorest 50 percent of the world's people.



This is so much fun from magician James Galea. You're going to love it. (Peter Tibbles: This was recorded at The 2009 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala.)


From time to time I write here about how important it is for technology designers to employ elders. I've even given a couple of speeches about it because young people have no idea, no reason to know what kind of difficulties aging produces with eyesight, dexterity and other issues.

Hardly anyone pays attention to me but one Silicon Valley design company, IDEO, has 90-year-old Barbara Beskind on staff to help them out. In one instance, as explained in an NPR story,

”IDEO is working with a Japanese company on glasses to replace bifocals. With a simple hand gesture, the glasses will turn from the farsighted prescription to the nearsighted one.

Initially, the designers wanted to put small changeable batteries in the new glasses. Beskind pointed out to them that old fingers are not that nimble.”

Good for IDEO. You can read more at the NPR website or listen to the full interview:

NPR Interview with Barbara Beskind


I'll bet that headline made you wake up and pay attention. Swedish public service TV station, STV, produces a show called Bacillakuten, designed to teach the basics of biology to children age three through six.

As Atlantic magazine explained recently:

”The show’s episodes are based on questions about the body that children send in...For instance, one of the questions they received, Holmström said, was 'Why do you lose your pee?'”

As so, a two-minute cartoon of Willie and Twinkle – penis and vagina characters – were produced to a catchy tune explaining how they work. Part of the Swedish lyric is translated

"Here comes the penis at full pace" and "the vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly.”

At first, YouTube labeled the video “adult” but protests set them straight. See what you think:

You can read more here and here.


Ever since the internet took off, the news media has complained that they can't make a buck anymore. Newspapers and magazine have cut their reporter staffs to the bone.

Then this comes along - a couple of Time magazine reporters who have found time to put together a list of every meal – every, single meal - President Barack Obama has eaten outside the White House since inauguration day in 2009.

For each meal, the story includes the date(s) Obama ate there, location, number of Yelp! stars, links to the web pages of each restaurant and photos of the food. Do you have any idea how much time it takes to put such a feature together for this many meals? And for what bloody purpose?

Obama restaurants

After this, Time magazine can never again legitimately complain of staff costs. If you really must waste your time, you can see the feature here.


When doctafil sent this video, it hadn't gone viral yet. Now it's all over the internet.

Too often, police dashcams show us cops behaving badly. This one is just a guy have have a good time on his rounds to the tune of Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.


Last week when I tried to show you the bus-riding dog, the video had been taken down. It's up again so let's see if works. It's a terrific dog story.


Or, if it does work, consider this a bonus cute animal video. From Darlene, baby red pandas in the snow. (It's still winter in the northern hemisphere, you know.)

Interesting Stuff is a weekly listing of short takes and links to web items that have caught my attention; some related to aging and some not, some useful and others just for fun.

You are all encouraged to submit items for inclusion. Just click “Contact” in the upper left corner of any Time Goes By page to send them. I'm sorry that I won't have time to acknowledge receipt and there is no guarantee of publication. But when I do include them, you will be credited and I will link to your blog IF you include the name of the blog and its URL.

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Friday, 23 January 2015

A New Late Night Star For Us

Larry Wilmore's Comedy Central program, The Nightly Show, premiered this week in Stephen Colbert's old time slot following The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

On Tuesday, all the reviews were laudatory and I agree. Strongly. We have a new late night star who will, I predict, become as beloved as Colbert.

Before I tell you more, I must first take to task The New York Times reviewer, Alessandra Stanley, for her nasty little aside about Wilmore's age:

”“Mr. Wilmore, 53, isn’t young,” she wrote, “but he has dimples and a disarming way of laughing at his own jokes and those of others.”

Isn't young, BUT??? You are free to disagree but I don't see the difference between that and "isn't white, but."

Moving on.

Each Nightly Show is built around a single theme that, during this first week, were taken from the news. Monday night was the state of black protest in the U.S.; Tuesday was the Bill Cosby sexual revelations; Wednesday, Obama and the State of the Union address; and Thursday, Cuba.

The opening segment of each show is, essentially, an extended monologue reporting on the night's topic. Here is Wilmore in his first outing:

It was a little ragged there in the beginning but as the minutes went by, Wilmore got better and better and if you stuck around for the rest of week you probably put The Nightly Show on your “must watch” list. I did.

In the second segment, Wilmore introduces the show's panel – four guests discussing the night's topic. The star guest of the first show was New Jersey Senator Cory Booker. The second night an acquaintance of mine, Baratunde Thurston, was there. And on Wednesday, a comedian I like but had seen only a couple of times, Godfrey. I hope he will be back regularly.

The jokes fly with the panel, but it is serious too and unlike the hosts on a certain liberal cable news channel, Wilmore keeps the conversation going without either monopolizing it or allowing the guests to all talk at once.

The guests remain for the third segment titled, “Keeping It 100.” If, like me, you are way too white to know what that means, I checked one of the online urban dictionaries for us:

” keep yourself real and true, to be honest and stick to the way you are, no matter what anyone else thinks.”

In this part of the show, Wilmore has a single prepared question for each of the four guests about the night's topic. Take a look. This is the Keeping It 100 segment from Wednesday's program about President Obama.

Make no mistake - this is a black show with more of a straight ahead, black sensibility than we have seen in mainstream media and, I think, more than any interview program we've seen before, the black guests aren't tokens to fill the politically correct diversity requirement.

In fact, after the first two shows where, each night, there were three black guests and one white, I thought maybe that was going to be an unspoken, running joke – the token white. But on Wednesday (see above) there were two black and two white guests and anyway, Wilmore is too good at his job for such a simplistic joke.

For fans, it was painful to lose Stephen Colbert but Comedy Central, executive producer Jon Stewart and Larry Wilmore have a winner.

It's timely, it's smart and it's painfully funny – a righteous replacement for a beloved program that will become as important a commentary on the state of American politics and culture as Colbert was.

Just because I can't resist, here is Larry Wilmore's monologue on President Obama the night after the State of the Union address. (I am so sorry if readers in other countries can't see these videos; they are so worth your time.)

There are full shows and other clips at The Nightly Show at Comedy Central.

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Wendl Kornfeld: By Any Other Name

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Thursday, 22 January 2015

A Dog's Tale of Aging Well

An American friend, Jim Stone, who is wintering in New Zealand where it is summer, emailed urging me to read a story he had found with some good advice from our dogs about how to deal with old age.

Before the writer, David Dudley, gets to his personal story, he tells us that science is finding human and canine life to be more intertwined that you (well, me, anyway) might suspect even at the microscopic level:

”Human and canine genes, shaped by the environment we share, are evolving in lockstep. Today, along with home security and leftover disposal, dogs confer a host of wellness benefits, especially to kids and older people.

“People with dogs sleep better, weigh less and get more exercise than dog-free peers. And there are the less tangible perks, the ones cataloged in Marley & Me–style books.

“This burgeoning 'dogoir' literary genre revolves around the reductive but basically correct idea that a dog is foremost an instrument of personal growth: It exists to ease your existential anxieties, impart lessons about love and friendship, and teach you how to be a better person.”

[I don't disagree at all but I believe similar benefits result from human/feline relationships; they just occur on a different kind of psychological plane. But that's for another day.]

The research, Dudley tells us, shows that dogs and humans age in similar ways, including age-related dementia:

”...dogs' plaques look a lot like those in humans — more so than the ones found in our fellow primates. [Neuroscientist Elizabeth] Head is not sure why. 'It could be that living in our environment — our food, our water, our homes — has made dogs more vulnerable,' she says.

“Age-related dementia, in other words, might be 'a feature of the domestication process,' she says, a kind of unintended side effect of civilization.”

For 18 years Mr. Dudley and Foghat shared their lives – the walks, the games, marriage when it arrived and the two children who followed.

”...he entered his dotage in roaring good health...”, writes Dudley. “He was what gerontologists would call a successful ager.

“And then, seemingly overnight, he wasn't...He started limping after a vigorous bouncing-a-soccer-ball-off-his-nose session. Then he needed help climbing into the car or crawling under the bed, his favorite sleeping spot.

“Our epic rambles through the woods became short hikes, then brief spins around the block. Sometimes he'd stop midwalk, frozen like a Parkinson's sufferer. The stairs grew perilous.

“He became a wandering insomniac, barking at ghosts, claws clacking aimlessly through the darkened house. He'd vanished into the shadowlands of canine cognitive dysfunction, and he would not be coming out.”

The last weeks or months of Foghat's life were, for Mr. Dudley,

”...a glimpse into the future. Foghat's senescence appeared as both a comfort and a warning of what awaits: Some fears and eccentricities will lift with the years; others will only deepen. “One by one, the things you love to do become too difficult and slip out of your life. But despite it all, you will still be you, and people will still cherish your wobbly presence. Even a diminished life is worth living on its own terms.”

In due course, however, the terrible day arrived when it was time for the final trip to the veterinarian.

I tell you all this not only because it is a beautiful story of a man and his dog, but because I want to be sure you read his final paragraphs:

”And now that I'm no longer young, and he's dead, I'll do my best to follow the path Foghat blazed into my life's last half. This is sound medical advice, as neuroscientist Head says: 'Everything you do for a dog to help them age well, you should do with them.'

“So eat the best food you can afford. Go for a walk, even if it's raining. Take a lot of naps. Keep your teeth clean and your breath fresh, so that the people you lick will not flinch.

“And when someone you love walks in through the door, even if it happens five times a day, go totally insane with joy.”

I think it will make your day to go read David Dudley's remarkably graceful story at the AARP website. Then give your dog or cat a big hug.

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Dan Gogerty: At Sea with Rock Hudson and a Drunk Stowaway

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Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Growing Old Alone

A week ago, TGB reader Yvonne Cunningham emailed a link about 77-year-old actor (and lifelong lothario), Jack Nicholson. Britain's National Post reports that he

”...admitted to being lonely as he faces dying with nobody by his side.

“In an interview with an American magazine, Nicholson, 77, spoke about how his hell-raising and philandering had left him without someone to take care of him in his old age.”

The magazine in question, Closer, makes the full interview available only to subscribers so I am relying on secondary reports and don't know if the quotations are accurate.

Another report of the interview at Britain's Telegraph provides additional quotations. Among them:

"I would love that one last romance but I'm not very realistic about it happening. What I can't deny is my yearning.

Aside from the fact that having a partner is no guarantee you won't die alone, I think Nicholson speaks for many old people. And it doesn't matter whether chronic philandering or death of a spouse gets you to a solitary old age; either way, Nicholson's is a poignant longing.

Recently, a reader named Anne used the phrase “dark side of ageing” and Nicholson is lamenting one of those sides that is painful and difficult for large numbers of elders.

For all kinds of demographic and individual reasons I agree with the actor that finding a romantic companion late in life is unlikely – not impossible, but unlikely. Even the searching for one is problematic as he notes, according to the National Post:

"I can't hit on women in public anymore. I didn't decide this; it just doesn't feel right at my age.”

Not to mention, as the Telegraph has it, that maybe it is not worth the effort in old age:

”Now Nicholson concedes his days of dating are over, and he prefers to stay in and watch a film. 'I got tired of arguing with women about going to dinner,' he said. 'The food is better at my house.'”

Without the full interview and also recalling that in the rare interviews Nicholson has given over the years, he doesn't always take them seriously enough for us to trust what he says as straightforward, these quotes are still useful to provoke our own thoughts on one of the predicaments of growing old.

Undoubtedly, a lot depends on whether there are family and friends but even then, as we have discussed in these pages, that changes over time. One of the ironies of living a long life is outliving many of the people we love.

Even among those of us who prefer to live alone, few are hermits. Humans of all ages seek companionship of various kinds and frequency, and the opportunities for that diminish with age.

But it is a bit of a surprise to read that a celebrated actor who seems, from the outside, to have lived a charmed life admits to one of the same dilemmas as other old people. I wonder how many of us, if we are as honest, also wish for “that one last romance?”

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Clifford Rothband: Did the Swallows Return to Capistrano?

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Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Old Mean Girls

Did you see the Op-Ed in The New York Times on Sunday about the old mean girls in the retirement community freezing out the 97-year-old newcomer?

Before we go any further with that thought, let us acknowledge the ageist language of the writer (granddaughter to the 97-year-old) so we can get to the ostensible topic – hard to find among the excessive extraneous material.

She was barely into her story when she recounted this phone conversation with her Nanna:

“'Have you made any friends?' I asked, in the same chipper tone I used when my younger child returned from her first day at kindergarten.”

If I were her Nanna, I would have slammed down the phone but for this Nanna on this particular day, a granddaughter's obtuse tone of voice took a back seat to a larger problem of her daily life and we finally arrive at the issue:

“'They won’t let me sit at their table!' Nanna cried.

“'Wait, what? Who won’t let you sit at their table?'”

“'You try to sit and they say, “That seat is taken!”...

"'And just try to get into a bridge game,' Nanna continued. 'They’ll talk about bridge, and you’ll say, Oh, I play, and they’ll tell you, ‘Sorry, we’re not looking for anyone.’”

There follows then, in the essay, more unnecessary reference of the writer's personal life and a vague something about eyebrows.

Eventually, she tells us about a study or two confirming that mean girls don't improve with age.

Although the writer is surprised at this discovery, I doubt it is news to anyone who reads this blog; we're old enough to have seen it again and again. Just last fall I was the butt of a vicious mean girl attack that caused me to resign from a volunteer group.

I mean, whew! It was nasty, published on the web for anyone to read and although the old mean girl who wrote it didn't mention my name, anyone associated with the group knows who was being savaged.

It's not the first time grownups who never outgrew adolescence have tried to lacerate me and/or friends through the years and, sad to say, it won't be the last. I have not the least doubt that those who were mean girls in school carry it with them to the grave always needing to shore up their self esteem at the expense of others.

I wish this essay were better written but if you work your way through the detritus, you finally arrive at the point:

”What transforms with age are the criteria for judgment: not looks, not wealth, not the once-coveted ability to drive at night. When you get to be Nanna’s age, you’re reduced to a number — the younger the better.

“Even in a residence for the elderly, the 80-somethings will still be cold to the 95-year-olds. Now 99, my Nanna is completely cognizant of what’s going on. Her memory, both short- and long-term, is excellent.

“But once her new neighbors heard her age, they knew they didn’t want her at their table.”

The writer is on to something important about the cliques of old age. With some people it never ends, this obsession with youth – even relative youth.

You have to ask yourself what these old women at the elder community think they gain by isolating someone a decade or so older and when you answer that, you know how stupid ageist behavior is at any age – and you know, too, that unfortunately wisdom does not automatically accompany growing old.

Everything else in life – everything - is more interesting and more worthy of attention than the appearance or signs of age.

Age is not a competition. It is not something you can pass or fail.

Are you really going to quibble about what year in life anyone can “officially” be called old? Or about being younger or older than the person next to you?

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Arlene Corwin: The Skin on My Face is Growing Downward

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