Friday, 25 July 2014

We Never Knew When to Quit

By Marcy Belson

Yes, this is another story about a trip to Mexico with Krumi Tours led by our own "Mr. Krumi" aka El Queso Grande.

Same country, Mexico. Same group of friends. Different destination. This time we were flying to Matzatlan, Sinaloa, Mexico, located on the Pacific coast across from the tip of Baja.

German immigrants brought prosperity to the area in the 1800s with equipment to mine for silver and gold. They also founded a brewery in 1900, still in operation. They influenced the music with banda, a form of Bavarian music.

By the time we arrived in 1973, music came from Carlos & Charlies and the beer was still flowing.

Back to the beginning. We drove to Tijuana and boarded a La Mexicana Airlines plane. Directly behind us were a group of fishermen from Los Angeles ready to party.

As the attendant (known in those days as a hostess) told us to fasten our seat belts, one of the fishermen told her he only had one half of his seat belt. She assured him it was fine and that she would be bringing a complimentary cocktail. He was happy with that solution.

Mr. Krumi had made reservations at a beachside hotel, five rooms for our group of ten people. Red alert: one of the woman told El Queso Grande that their room had no view and seems to be on the basement level. Problem solved, we traded rooms.

Sometimes, being Mrs. Krumi had its down side.

Other tour groups had their itineraries posted on the hotel bulletin board and Mr. Krumi quickly added ours - with Krumi poolside parties, trips to town to shop at the outdoor market, the van available for those who wished to sightsee.

One couple, hereafter known as "Nick and Lola," were not married and they were given a room in the high rise part of the hotel. First night, they went out on the balcony, he shut the slider behind him and it locked. No Mr. Krumi to solve this dilemma and Nick could see no one on the beach below.

He climbed over the rail and dropped to the balcony one floor below. There was an open door and a dark room. Unfortunately, there was also a woman, sleeping. After her initial scream and fright, she was an extremely good sport, calling the front desk and asking for someone to bring a key to Nick's room.

Lola was still on the locked balcony, naked, and she was a nice looking woman. I'm sure the hotel employee is still talking about that night.

But wait, there's more!

The following day, while two of our group went fishing for marlin, the remainder sat on the patio drinking cerveza and margaritas, watching the boat circling the bay with people hanging in the air from a parachute. Nick mentioned that he always wanted to do that.

He and Mr. Krumi wandered down to the water's edge and talked to the Mexican man in charge. He explained the procedure.

The person must wear a harness attached to the parachute and also roped to the back of the boat. The boat would slowly troll and the person would run down the beach until the boat and momentum would lift them to the sky for a gorgeous ride, then circle back. The boat would slow and the person should land on the beach with an employee helping them stop and removing the harness.

The final requirement was that the person weigh no more than 200 pounds. Nick looked unsure but - Mr. Krumi to the rescue - assured the Mexican man that Nick weighed about 190 pounds and really, really wanted to do the ride.

The Mexican was there to make money, not quibble about weight and a deal was struck.

Nick was in the harness, the boat took off, we held our breath and he took off for the ride. I'm happy to report, he did land on the beach. I have never seen a human running so fast but he stayed upright.

I think Nick considered himself invincible. After all, he hadn't fallen from the tenth floor the night before, naked as a bluejay

In the meantime, our fishermen had caught big marlin. As part of the deal, they were to have a photo taken with their catch. They decided to return to the hotel and freshen up before the photo was taken.

Mr. Krumi got wind of this. He and Nick quickly took the rented van and found the marlin hanging at the dock with no one around. They took pictures of each other and never said a word.

Weeks later, when the fishermen proudly showed photos of their catch, Mr. Krumi and Nick produced their photos, same fish, same location. Some thought it was funny; others, not so much.

This trip ended on a memorable note. As we flew north, the crew served lunch. Fish from the oven, with a strong fishy odor. Beer cans were rolling on the floor as the plane banked from one side to the other. I have a photo of one of our group, wearing a wet towel on her head, with her tongue hanging out.

Viva La Mexico.


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Thursday, 24 July 2014

Ag Terms in Advertising - Natural Ignorance is Bliss

By Dan Gogerty who blogs at Cast

The Consumer Reports group is calling for a ban of the word “natural” and many others are complaining about the way words are used for food labeling, packaging and advertising.

I’m all for keeping the phraseology honest but let’s face it, truth in advertising is a foggy concept no matter which “mad men” are shaping it.

Death cigarettes100, torokAgGogertyI do recall a forthright cigarette company in the 90s - located in England, I believe. They called their product Death cigarettes. The only packets I saw were in Asia and they were black with skull and crossbones woven into the design.

I’m not sure they marketed them widely. I have a feeling the buyers were looking for novelty items or they had achieved a type of Zen fatalism. On the other hand, the company did manufacture Death Lights also, so maybe they had a sense of humor about it all.

Labels and ads are controlled in widely different manners around the world but here in the United States, some say the government interferes too much while others think not enough.

Some terms are regulated: “organic” must fit certain specifications but I’m sure it’s still misused at times. Medical terms and nutritional facts are also regulated - even if the reality is not always “nutritional” or “factual.”

Lobbying groups and various factions have made much of the debates regarding proposed GMO labeling laws and others argue about the way sugar, salt, fat and other items are listed. Consumers need to know what they’re eating and drinking but I’m not certain about the best methods needed to get the information across in the clearest, most helpful manner.

One thing for sure - it was much easier when I was a kid. The terms seemed more basic, easier to understand or ignore. Let me give you a few examples:

Sugar was just that. It’s what animated characters dumped on cereal in the ads and what Mom used in baked goods. No terms clouded the issue - after all, high fructose sounds a bit like a premium grade of gasoline.

The local dentist never mentioned the word "sugar" but he didn’t say much anyway. He was busy putting fillings in our teeth.

Organic was an adjective that came in front of the word “chemistry” and we all knew organic chemistry was a tough course in high school filled with brainiacs heading to science universities.

Fat was the gristle we cut from steaks and pork chops. Of course it was also a term used in school to bully certain kids. Sadly, we didn’t know it was bullying because just about everyone in school was called something derogatory - we had equal opportunity denigration.

Free range is what happened when our pigs or cattle got loose from the pastures or feedlots. We had lots of free range livestock on our farm.

Natural never seemed attached to the idea of food. Most of our food items came from home cooked meals or small town restaurants - until TV dinners and fast food arrived.

The latter gave us a trendy feeling and the former seemed futuristic. After all, we were watching The Jetsons cartoon show so we thought food was going to move straight from the kitchen table to outer space foodoramas.

Many other current terms weren’t even on our radar back then. Antioxidant and gluten-free would have sounded like something a pseudo scientist was using in a shady toothpaste ad. And environmental concerns hadn’t yet joined our lexicon.

If someone had mentioned the problem of agriculture and carbon emissions, we’d really be confused. As teens, our biggest greenhouse warming efforts were on purpose. We’d try to rig up high-performance carburetors and straight-pipe exhausts to increase performance - and noise - on our ’57 Chevys.

“Gee, Wally, I didn’t know cars could pollute.”

“Aw, Beav, there’s a lot you don’t know. You’re just a dumb kid.”

Ignorance did have its benefits.

image


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Wednesday, 23 July 2014

The Best Lovers

By Arlene Corwin

The best lovers can wait:
That’s what they’re good at.
They can take their time,
Press lightly, deeply,
Feel around, as if massaging,
Kneading muscle without passion;
Helping, waiting – for response?
Perhaps. Most likely.
Waiting all the while,
The instant thrill
Expendable, forgotten,
As all pleasures are [and pain]
The second they are over.
Lover best is natural,
Sensitive to signals:
In touch when touching.

Touching back,
Movement ripening,
One or t'other turned the other way
Up, down, even upside down;
It is there the genius of delay
Comes into play
When the best of lovers loves.


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Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Reincarnation

By Marc Leavitt of Marc Leavitt's Blog

We, all of us, return, and try another way,
A different simulacrum of reality;
The energy we call the soul, assumes new form
Within a multi-verse of change and random choice.
Next time, you might come back a brilliant butterfly,
Bright wings a-flutter, flying off to find a mate,
Still missing, caterpillar-like, your warm cocoon;
A young amoeba, almost ready to divide,
Multiplying in a single drop of water,
And unimpressed by nearby parameciums;
A single sunbeam, shining on a chilly day,
Homesick for the fiery star that cast you off,
Or, a forlorn grain of sand on a windy beach,
Wistfully recalling you used to be a rock.


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Monday, 21 July 2014

“I Accept The Nomination!”

By Vicki E. Jones

The year was 1968, and I, age 21 and a native and resident of Los Angeles, had spent the summer at a summer job in Boston, working as an assistant to a lab assistant at a biology research facility.

When the job ended, I traveled to Expo 67 in Montreal – a World’s Fair of several months’ duration - and then to Washington, D.C. to both visit an old friend who was working there and to see the Capitol and maybe the White House.

The day after I got there, my friend told me he had to work all day and gave me directions as to how to reach the Capitol on foot from the place I was staying. It was very hot and very humid outside and at age 21 I didn’t think about wide-brimmed sun hats or carrying a water bottle.

The walk from where I was staying took me all the way across town in the hot sun. By the time I reached the Capitol Building I was feeling dehydrated, tired and faint.

I walked inside the building, where a guard immediately recognized that I had a problem and needed help. He took me to the nurse’s office and she put me in a nearby room and had me sit with my head down while she got cool water to drink and some cool compresses to help cool me down.

Meanwhile, I was feeling sorry for myself because I had wanted to see Congress and meet someone famous. I realized that I might not feel well enough to do so and had walked all the way across town in the heat for nothing.

When she returned, she opened the door and I raised my head. I stared in utter disbelief at what was directly in front of me in that room: there, on a scale, was Senator Everett Dirksen, clad only in a pair of boxer shorts, weighing in.

The nurse turned her head and spotted him there and realized she had put me in a room that still had another person in it – and a very famous person at that! Obviously, Senator Dirksen was trying to lose weight and was there to check his progress.

Embarrassed, the nurse tried to cover up her error by saying, “Senator Dirksen, may I introduce you?” Senator Dirksen smiled and said, “Of course!”

When she said “Miss Freed, (my maiden name), this is Senator Dirksen,” I responded with, “I’ve heard of you! You’re notorious!” with a smile.

Senator Dirksen replied, with a big smile, “I accept the nomination!” and shook my hand vigorously.

And so my trip across town had not been a waste of time and energy after all. I did indeed meet someone famous and got to see at least a little of the Capitol, and I would never forget Senator Dirksen’s composure and his great sense of humor.


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Friday, 18 July 2014

Dinner with Mom

By Mary Mack

Most days she was there, waiting for her sister, the moment I returned home from school. “Hi, Helen,” she’d say. “Ready to go swimming?”

“No, mom, we can’t go swimming. And it’s not Helen, it’s Mary, don’t you remember?”

She would simply nod, not certain of a response. But, today, she wasn’t there.

I knew all the numbers to the bars where dad would be so I kept dialing until I finally found him. “Mom’s not here,” I told him. “I think you should come home.”

But when he arrived, I had to convince him to call the police.

“She’ll be back,” is all he said.

I knew better so I took his Plymouth and began to search. I tried the mall, the library and even the park until I remembered. Besides wanting to go swimming with Helen, she would sometimes be waiting for Hoagy, my dad, to take her to dinner (which he never did).

By the time I reached the parking lot of the plant where he worked, it was dark. Rows and rows of cars were stretched out in front of me but I knew she was there, I could feel it, so I drove, ever so slowly, up and down each row, searching for my mother, until I found her, sitting in a car that looked something like the Plymouth, which is to say it was white and had four doors.

There she was, sitting in the passenger’s seat, coat, hat and scarf drawn closely. So closely she was sweating when I tapped on the window to get her attention. “Hi, mom,” I said softly. “What are you doing?"

“I’m waiting for Hoagy, he’s taking me to dinner.”

“Come on, mom, I’ll take you.”

It was the first and last time I ever took my mother to dinner, to McDonald’s for filet-o-fish sandwiches, and they were just fine.


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Thursday, 17 July 2014

The Chance of a Lifetime

By Clifford Rothband

Take a deep breath and put a smile on your face, let's make today a great day. I read that somewhere.

It was the summer Olympics of 1984. My wife and daughter [age 12] wanted so bad to see the panda's in Los Angeles Zoo.

I was between jobs and we scrimped and saved and booked a flight for the three of us, reserved a car, had lodging set up. If we had any extra money we would buy a Lucky Gold Panda coin.

Our flight took off from Ft. Lauderdale on time, we got to LA around midnight. We got our luggage and went to the car rental company. "Sorry but we have no more cars available.”

What! We went to all the counters and finally got a company that rented us a two-door, dark grey Oldsmobile. That color upset my daughter but it was brand new a car.

Now we ride to our hotel.

"Sorry but no rooms available until the next afternoon.” What! We ask about the pandas at the zoo and the clerk says that she thinks that they are in San Diego, not Los Angeles, so I figure our clocks are off so we set out on the Freeway south.

Almost there and a billboard reads Pandas at the Los Angeles Zoo." What! So we start back and I am too tired to drive anymore so we stop on Muscle Beach figuring we can get some sleep.

My daughter says, "How cool.” Until a glass bottle shatters the windshield and wakes us up. So off we start again.

The wife sees a bright, florescent-lit motel off the freeway and we pull in. I ask for a room for three, the clerk answers, "All rooms one bed. How many hours you want.” What! So I say until the morning.

Now, as we walk to the room, this monster soldier comes up. "Hey Mon, you got two ladies, you want to share?" What!

I hustle my two girls to the room under my arms, We plop down and are asleep in minutes. Around 9AM, there are six eyes looking at a mirrored ceilingL chains, a swing and straps are hanging. What is this a sex motel? It was a good thing that I didn't put the TV on.

My daughter said, "How Cool,” my wife told me to never tell a soul. It was better than any movie dilemma or TV situation ever since we have been laughing at it since.

But I never told anyone until now.

So now it is about 9AM, we grab a Mickey D breakfast to eat in the car, off to the zoo. No, a sign reads the zoo exhibit doesn't open for another two hours! WHAT!

So we squat down and this friendly zoo lady walks up to talk and so we tell our tale.

She says don't tell anyone ever, but follow her. She is in charge of the panda exhibit and they have a special group going in early. Just act like your with them, she says.

So my daughter and wife and I act like junior counselors and the two girls get to hold the pandas for pictures.

Whoever would have guessed such a bad trip would lead to a chance of a lifetime.


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Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Rhymer's Lament

By Henry Lowenstern

The well's run dry. I must be frank.
My poetic muse has drawn a blank.
No matter how I fret and curse,
I can't produce a decent verse.
Who played on me this lousy prank?


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Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Casinos: The New Senior Centers

By Diane Davis

Seniors are one of the fastest growing groups of compulsive gamblers. Why? Here’s how it worked for me when I had a gambling problem.

Radio blaring, I drove fast and reckless to the casino 12 minutes from my house. For a brief interlude, this 70-year-old woman was not a responsible professor who had papers to grade or a lonely woman with a trail of broken relationships or a daughter whose mother was dying.

I was free of all that, invisible in faded jeans and a sweatshirt. No one knew my name or cared about my reputation or responsibilities. I felt young and carefree and entitled to a night out. I had worked hard and had made an independent life all on my own that looked pretty good on the outside. I deserved a break.

I impatiently found a parking place, made my way inside the casino and plunked myself down in front of a favorite machine with a “free” coke. There were nights when that free coke cost me as much as $5000. It had gone on like this for 15 years.

Most people think gamblers are gambling to get the big win. That may be true in the beginning but as the gambling continues, winning becomes just a means of prolonging the game.

About two to three minutes into my play on a slot machine, the “I” that was aware of time, the value of money, my responsibilities to others, my integrity and any worries I had, simply disappeared. Instead, my world became cosmically timeless, full of hope each time I hit the button.

The more money I put into a slot machine, the more I was focused on the possibilities it offered. All I had to do was keep putting money into the machine - the price I gladly paid for predictably reaching the altered state of euphoric anticipation.

Seniors face many difficult losses that increase vulnerability for gambling problems. Events like retirement, the death of a spouse or parent, divorce, income loss, impaired health and distance (emotional or physical) from loved ones, require major coping skills and support systems. Many times those are lacking, especially for seniors living alone. The casino industry offers quick relief to folks like me who struggled to cope with loss after loss.

It is good business practice for casinos to be safe and accessible to seniors. Parking lots are fully lighted and secure. Walkers or wheel chairs are provided. Free turkeys and free meals are offered. Buses are available to pick up customers from retirement homes.

There are lots of people around to cater to you and bring you free drinks. If any kind of problem arises, security people are there in an instant. The drinks lady knows your first name. The tinkling of the slot machines and the background of people talking and 60s music can feel very comforting.

The hidden truth is that casino profits (experts estimate 30%-60%) come from problem gamblers and many of those gamblers are seniors. Visit any casino during the day or night and count the gray heads.

My way out of the hypnotic lure of casinos is not particularly recommended by Gamblers Anonymous (GA) or gambling addiction treatment programs. I took the “geographical cure.”

After years of periodically trying GA and even an out-patient treatment program, I could still not put together more than a few months of abstinence. As long as I had money, a good job and my kids didn’t know how much I was gambling, I couldn’t resist the guaranteed emotional relief I found at the casino.

Finally, my kids did find out and confronted me. It was devastating. In desperation, I took the big leap of moving across country to the state where all my kids and grandkids live. Lucky for me, the nearest casino is five hours away which gives me the time I need to think through and reject the impulse to gamble.

So far, having breathing space and family close by has enabled me to take back my life.

Research from the Housing First! movement that works with people who are homeless and alcoholic concludes that a decent place to live is the precursor to sobriety, not the other way around. Likewise, in my long way home, I learned that paying attention to my sore spot of loneliness and taking me out of immediate harm’s way was the winning ticket for a life without problem gambling.


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Monday, 14 July 2014

Selective Hearing

By Mickey Rogers of This, That and the Other

My sister’s late father-in-law was gifted. Whenever his wife was angry she tended to nag him for what seemed like an eternity. Taking advantage of his hearing disability, he simply turned off his hearing aid.

While sitting in a favorite easy chair and reading the newspaper, he would occasionally mumble a “Yes, dear” just to keep her off track. Eventually she’d be satisfied and go about her business while he was able to deal with the problem without actually getting bashed.

No doubt at least some women have developed this skill but men have mastered it, much as we have with burping and scratching. Throughout the years men have learned that this is a fairly good way to deal with the pressures of women trying to make us do the right things.

Sorry, ladies, but in many ways we’re just overgrown boys who like to do our own thing, thank you.

For 25 years I was blessed to work at a place that featured the most dedicated and talented employees ever assembled under one roof. One of the employees was an expert at dealing with the negative side of meetings.

Usually he would sit at the back of the room. When things got boring, he would take a little nap. The genius in his method was that this act was almost imperceptible.

While asleep he would not lean over, flinch or drip saliva down the side of his mouth. Unless you looked at his eyes there was no way to know that at least mentally, he had left the building. However, his selective hearing powers were still operational. If his name was called, he responded instantly.

I never had the skill or courage to catch a little sleep during meetings but I did use my selective hearing set. With my eyes wide open and facing the speaker, in my mind I was listing the starting lineup for my favorite football team, managing the New York Yankees in the World Series or sinking the winning basket for the Boston Celtics in the seventh and final game of the championship.

Of course, if my name was called, I could respond in such a fashion that it seemed as though I had been paying attention.

Selective hearing skills can help one get through life without facing so many slings and arrows but if used at the wrong time it can heap much trouble upon a poor slob.

Many years ago, long before the days of cell phones, my wife suggested that we meet at a certain restaurant after work. Since I was doing something very important at the time - watching a review of the previous day’s football games - I simply went into selective hearing mode.

During a commercial, I definitely heard that we were to meet at 5PM and I’m almost certain that she said to meet her at Restaurant A. Just to be on the safe side, I arrived at that particular eating establishment at 4:50.

Twenty minutes later, I was still waiting. Now I have as much patience as the next guy (that is, very little). By 5:20 I was fuming. The thought of being stood up by my own wife infuriated me. Finally, at 6PM, I gave up and headed home.

My better half was waiting there and she was not happy, either. “I waited for 45 minutes at Restaurant B and you didn’t show up,” she replied.

Luckily, I was able to convince her that she had told me to go to Restaurant A and I graciously accepted her apology. That was a close one!

A few months later, selective hearing got me into another jam. Earlier in the day I told my wife that I was going into town to pick up some important items such as potato chips, pretzels and soda pop. Since her parents were coming over for supper, she asked me to pick up a roast.

Unfortunately, I didn’t come back with the roast; the folks had to eat hamburgers and hotdogs but this was plainly my wife’s fault. She had the audacity to make the request while I was watching the bottom of the ninth inning of the Yanks-Tigers game.

Ladies, men automatically slide into selective hearing mode when watching sports! Sorry, but that’s just the way we are.

My wife was startled by an experiment she once conducted. While I was reading the newspaper in the family room, she stood in the hallway and quietly remarked, “Honey, your supper’s ready.” She was surprised when I put down the paper and rushed into the kitchen.

Actually, there are certain words and phrases that override even the most developed selective hearing abilities, such as “Would you like a backrub?” “Supper’s on” and “Do you want to hear the latest gossip?”

On the other hand, the next day, while once again I was reading the paper, she shouted from the door leading into the family room that she had a few chores for me to do.

That’s what she told me later, for actually, I never heard her the first time.


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